Last week, Facebook sent me one of those “memory” photos—three joyful moments with family. Curiously, in each one, I’m sporting a fake beard.
Two of the photos were from costume parties where I served as a host and facilitator (could you guess what I dressed up as?), and the third captured me as the ONLY parent willing to volunteer to dress up as Santa Claus for my kids’ school party. Yes, Santa (and yes, I told the school I had no idea how to play Santa, they didn’t care…).
Looking at those beaming faces, I felt a surge of bliss.
But then a thought struck me.
I remembered that just before one of those photos was taken, I’d come straight from a tense meeting with a challenging client. My mind was buzzing with frustration over what had just happened, while simultaneously preparing to host the upcoming event.
Was I happy in that moment? Honestly, I don’t know.
If I had to guess, I’d say I was 𝙃𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙋𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙥𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜— delaying joy because I was caught up in past frustrations and future worries.
Sound familiar? Many of the leaders I work with tell me they do the same: “I’ll be happy when this is over,” they say, or “when that goal is reached.”
Yet when that “when” arrives, they’re already focused on the next goal, and the joy of the moment slips by unnoticed.
This tendency to postpone happiness isn’t just a personal quirk—it’s rooted in how our brains work.
There’s fascinating research about how we can train our brains to better notice and retain joy. While our minds are naturally wired with what neuropsychologist Rick Hanson calls a 𝘯𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘣𝘪𝘢𝘴, we can overcome this tendency through practice. Psychologist Fred Bryant calls this process 𝘚𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 —transforming fleeting moments into lasting happiness, by simply pausing, even for 20 or 30 seconds, to notice and cherish what’s good. It’s a way to train our minds to appreciate the joy that’s already present, even in imperfect moments.
So next time you find yourself 𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘗𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, pause, and notice:
Are you fully present in this moment?
Are you 𝘴𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 what’s here?
Could there be joy, even amidst the challenges?
Or are you waiting for that perfect moment – after this difficulty ends and before the next one begins—to allow yourself to be happy?
Because for me, life is about showing up, fake beard and all, ready to make each moment count.
